Confusion is nothing new..

My life is booming! Since i graduated TCC with my associate degree in Psychology, i have been doing wonderful! :D I am currently attending classes at Northeastern State University Broken Arrow campus in Oklahoma. I am going for my Bachelors in Psychology. My first two classes that i attended on Wednesday were wonderful! The greatest part is on of those professors instructs another one of my classes as well. He is really cool too. Take home exams and movies! What more could i ask for!!! :D In other news, John and I are still together...we have had some more difficult times, but it will be ok. I just know it will be. :) i am hoping to see him tomorrow in the morning for work out time! If he does not get up, i will just go by myself. He will then have to prove to me that he will straighten up and man up. Life has certainly not been easy. I am hoping it will get easier though. He better get into them military soon. I am not going to stand for this much longer. Or will i? I do think it is getting a bit ridiculous Michelle. You complain about the relationship and talk about how aweful it can be sometimes and yet you don't do anything to change that. Why won't you just let him go? Why not just leave the relationship? Are you scared? It is ok to be scared Michelle...i think you just need to sleep now. Maybe some sleep and some one on one time with him tomorrow will help.

It is not the end..

The lies, the fights, the neglect, the lazy, the carelessness, the rudness...it all adds up. It boils to a point where it overflows and it cannot be handled any longer. Why did i put up with it for so long? What was the reason for putting myself through so much? It just didn't make any sense. He was so perfect for me. We had everything in common and we always made each other laugh in the darkest of times. The beginning was amazing..getting to know each other, holding hands and kissing for the first times. He even brought me flowers. We became closer and closer..to a point where we knew each others next moves. The relationship we had was one that would make anyone jealous. Before i knew it, a year had passed and we were still going strong. Many obstacles however had been thrown in front of us and we had to dodge. It was not easy and we fought so much. Turned out there was debt, no highschool diploma, and he lost his truck to stupidity. All of this did not make me give up on the relationship? This would be a lot to handle for anyone. I just stood up tall..kept my chin up and did everything i could to help him get through it all. I lost money, precious time, and mileage on my car. I really did sacrifice things for him. What did he really do for me? He worked at a movie theater, then at Whirlpool, got fired so worked at a convenient store, left that job to go back to whirlpool, lost that job after a week, then got a job at papa johns pizza. He couldn't even hold down a decent job. Decides to ask me to marry him...i say yes because i do love him. Now, two years have passed and he has finally gotten enrolled in college..he wants to go into the military after 15 hours of school. However he works at papa johns and has an opportunity to make a decent amount of money. He chooses to do the least amount of work possible and brings home a 150 dollar check. Not ok. It is enough. Though we have been through a lot and i do truly love him, i will not be treated in such a way for the rest of my life. Currently, he is on his last chance..absolute last chance. One screw up and i am gone.

:) a bright sun shiny day!

I have never been so scared in my life..I just really want to be happy with the man of my dreams. We have been together for almost 2 years and now we are engaged and yet nothing is really happening. He has yet to have gotten into the military or school. I am so scared. I have a job and i go to school. Most of the time he just sits at home and then goes to work 4 hour days..not even everyday of the week. It is hard for me to listen to friends and family tell me that things probably won't change. I do not want to believe it because i have never loved somebody as much as i love him.....He is the man of my dreams and no one can ever tell me different. I love him so much because we fit each other perfectly. We love each others personalities and we both love to take care of one another. I know that things are really difficult right now and we hardly see each other as it is...but i just know it is going to get better because we both want a family and an amazing future. I know we are going to prove everyone wrong. It is all going to happen... we will have that big house with the white pickett fence..we will have our little kitten and puppy. We will have children and they will be gorgeous and they will look up to their mom and dad who did everything they could to provide for them. :) Our dreams will come true. It is possible and nobody can say differently. The obstacles may be great but we are greater and we will defeat all that stands in our way..:') Please God i pray to you now...in a blog...please allow these things to happen...i know i am not perfect and maybe i do not completely deserve a life such as this..but God please help us! Please! I really really want this more than anything in the world!!!

Thank you,

Michelle :)

Life again...

Why? This is my question. Simple enough. Why is everything so complicated all of the freaking time?!?!
Why can it not be easier!?!?! I do wish someone would give me the answers to these questions..

Fun Facts and Much much more!!

Things are certainly going to change

Have you ever felt like things need to change? Anything in your life? Well, this is how i feel just about now. At this very moment. When people continuously use and abuse you mentally..you get to that breaking point. You feel things need to change. I never thought this would happen to me so suddenly. I cannot believe people would do that to me in the first place. Here are the things i want to change in my life:

1. I want to get my boyfriend to understand the way he treats me is wrong.

2. I would like to get back into shape so i can achieve my fourth degree black belt. :)